AMANDA IS BACK. For one pathetic day -.-

wth I have to go out alone tomorrow. Oh well. GURL why did you pangseh meeeeee!

Anyway I think I'll go and think of something to do tomorrow. Otherwise I'll just go alone to the koi pond and emo there. With the suckers. LOL. Sigh.

Christmas dinner yesterday was cool. :D ASHLEY IS SO CUTEE. Hahas. I'm still having a headache now so I don't really feel like talking so much about yesterday but rather talk about something that really bothers me.

The div is about to split. Tomorrow will be our last sunday together. But there's one small problem. Or rather huge. I don't think I look forward to it, I mean duh no one does, but I'm referring to the inclusion of the other uhm. P6s? I don't know who's coming in but yeah. We're getting taken out of our comfort zone, I'm still trying to accept this with an open mind.

Anyway softball is my only cca now ever since I quit science society. Now I think and look back and I can only say I have no freaking idea why I quit science society. Shit. I really wish I stayed on. I just hope that the projects will flourish. EH Sci soc people ask me for help if you need it because I regret quitting hahas and I still want to help =\ Oh well.

Ok enough, my headache is pestering me.
BYE.

After reading the first book on endurance training I have, amanda, you should just see my facial expression now. It looks something like this: -_-..... Gone. Hahas. Anyways I have to remember to grab SuiSS mixed berry passion energy bars for breakfast. They are deelicious. And healthy. And apparently good for you because they are low in GI whee.

Okay whatever. I ran 6.5km on monday in 33mins and then 5+km in 28mins yesterday. Had softball training today. Going swimming tomorrowwwwww! :D I aim to swim to the best of my ability, which is quite fail.

HAHAS. Whicheverrrr. Okay going to sleep now.

OH YEAH. I GREW TALLER FTW!

Ok. bye. Going to sleeep.

HI GUYS. I ish back from camp. I've got to say first of all, God's really amazing and His grace is so amazing it's really beyond understanding. And comprehension. Like why God does certain things.
Okay now on to camp. I really had a very good time bonding with my camp group. They're really wonderful people whom I'm really very happy to have met :D
There's crystal, nick, ethan, jerome, avram, joshua, dillon, evan, weiru, lionel, my laogong melody, madeline, alicia, angela, sarah, deborah. yeh.

First day was like games. shoot I can't remember. oh we got our rooms on the first day and stuff. And played whacko in the sound box and the loser had to sing a song on stage while the rest of the group guessed the song and everything.

Second day was games also but the messy games... involving raw eggs, water bombs, chilli sauce, argh. First it was twister with a twist and I had my elbow and hand buried in wasabi sauce. Then there was joshua's station involving stepping on melted marshmallows and mashed potatoes and chicken wing and mud and eew lah. It ended with water bomb fights. Then that night was div meeting!! :D It was great, the sharing and everything. 22 people came! I was super happy hahas, I thought it wouldn't succeed. :D group hug ended with alvin and half the div falling on me and sitting on me and ow.

Third day. AMAZING RACE! It was crazy, running around like taka and ion and republic poly. FUN! Then part two of this was the night walk. Before this we had like a break and were supposed to be watching cloudy with a chance of meatballs. But we got too bored so lionel, dillon, evan, me, melody and ethan stepped out of the sound box and talked. But then lionel got bored and walked off. So did melody. Hahas so we all walked off to the road to find something to do. Then SOMEONE I can't remember who, had this BRILLIANT IDEA to walk our own night walk beforehand around that circle, which is pitch black at certain parts. Then melody started thinking of ghosts and she screamed into my ear then I got scared. The only person who wasn't talking about ghosts or screaming was lionel. So I ran away from melody and hid behind lionel. Cos melody, when she screams, you'll think the sky is falling or something. Then we walked the round while screaming and telling stories. Then we decided to play dog and bone so yaye we played the game. BUT we had three bones. So dillon was going like the bottle in the middle number blah blah blah. We were like AHHHHHh then grab here grab there. LOL. Then night walk! Hahas I was terrified at first. Then I slowly told myself hey man depend on God cos God will protect me. Then after that I wasn't scared. Hahas then me and lionel agreed to go together if we had to split the group and we talked like crap the entire way. We did loads of crap in the stations. Then we went back to camp in kenny's van. Hahas! When we went back me, laogong and lionel decided we'll stay up to talk and do stuff. So we went to bathe etc. Lionel and me ended up waiting 1.5 hours for melody! Tsk laogong. Hahas.. we crapped until like 4-5am. Then we went to sleep.
Day 4... go homeeeeeeeeeee =( BUT NOT YET. Woke up and changed into like sunday stuff, jeans and tee. Then went to wake lionel up cos he asked me to but he slept like idk what luh huh. Then I packed my stuff and everything. Then we went to the sound box for sermon and stuff. Then we went for ONE REASON! I think STOMP was amazing. Really really. It was super cool. Then went home with jieeee.

Okays I want to go to sleep le. Very tired still. Hahas tomorrow will be meeting camp group for lunch! :D

Today was...

Satisfying.
That sounds weird, the word doesn't fit but what other words can I use to describe today? It wasn't mundane because we went tracting. It wasn't boring because I wasn't bored. It wasn't happy because I wasn't over the moon either. And it wasn't disappointing... or was it?

Haha, life seems so mundane these days, with nothing much to look forward to.

Oh softball camp is tomorrow.

Staying over til like tuesday morning and then rushing out of school in the wee hours of the morning to rush to church for speedlight camp which is 4 days 3 nights whooots! I love speedlight camps because they are interestingly... interesting and fun. I'm getting stalked by some kid on msn ._. I have no idea why.
I can't wait for both camps. Speedlight camp is with crystal again hahas! And weiru again and yaye ethan is in my group but lastly, OMG NO NO NO nicholas ting is my leader. Gawsh....... actually it's not that bad. But the idea. Oh gosh. Shit. Cell is torturous enough with dom ting now there's nick ting why all the tings come to haunt and stalk me. O:

I pray hard that I will not go insane over the spend of five days away from home and peacefully blissfully alone.

(omg I don't think the last four days will be satisfying save me save me ah sadface.) Sigh. I'm still feeling pretty uhm,.. I don't know. Void? Or there's this yearning for something that I don't know. I'm not sure how to describe it. I'm feeling a little. wistful?! No, not that.

OH I GIVE UP BYEBYE.

Sorry so many striked out posts these days.
ohwell.

谁会明白我伤心的时候？
连我自己也不明白为什么会感到不开心。
可能是因为我一直在恨自己。
自己的身材，的人格。
当我想跟要好的朋友说出心事时，不知道为什么突然说不出口。
当我看到朋友们，个个都有别的朋友，个个都开开心心地过着自己的生活，心里很难受。想哭出但也哭不出。
。。。

我的心，谁会明白？

I'll tell you what I absolutely CRAVE.

Running.
Running in the evenings alone, with music flooding my head, my hearing concentrated on the music and the rhythm of my footsteps and my heavy breathing. The changes in my surroundings even as darkness starts to fall around me and everything before me starts to fade from my vision. As I cease to see what is ahead, as sweat droplets form and start to roll down the sides of my face. The deep sobbing breath as I know I've got to fight for air, even as I slowly tear down the walls of self doubt in my own mind, to break past my own weakness and run on and on. Even as I can feel the pounding in my knees, the pain. Then the final relief when I finally stop and the blood is pounding in my ears.

I want :(

Run baby run, don't ever look back.
My legs hurt from all of today's walking and biking and finally, the run from pasir ris to tampines.
Not very far, but quite far. Oh well :D I'll do it again. I'll see how.
:D

Music's playing, heart's crying. Thick rushes of nostalgia as memories crowd into head, each one dying to be heard, to be known. A yearning to return to the past, a faint replay of smiles in the head. Like a movie playing backwards, yourself smiling, the others also smiling. Their smiles etched deeply in your mind, making you want to relive the past. Making you desperate to be there, to experience the sheer joy over and over..

And to never be sad ever again.
To always have friends,
To always be loved.

What does one need but to be happy?

I'm tired.. today was class chalet. Actually it was yesterday, today and tomorrow. But I only went today. I'm quite sad now.. Hahas. Idk, guess it's cos we won't be one class next year.

Sigh. =\

BYE.

I should like to cry. You're gone. And I bet you don't even know it. You probably won't read this but who cares? I know you're gone because we can't communicate. Maybe you think we still can, but I can't. I don't know what to say.

First I lost a friend, now I lose you. I don't get it. People seem to be fading out of my life one by one until we're down to one. I still don't understand how we could have so much fun together and yet end up like this. We were good friends right? I thought so.

But then you left..
And you don't even know! YOU DON'T KNOW! How could you?? I don't get it.

Life is about blatant lies and fake smiles.
Life is about sincerity.
Laugh at the irony will you.
Whether the laughter is fake or real.
I wouldn't know anyway.

rachel
dhs softball
Speedlighter
psalm 27:4


AMANDA!(:
JARED!
RANDY
2DARIA!=)
DESIREE!
Jalyn
Therandomemoweirdo
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Joey(:
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